Monthly Archives: January 2016
I swear I had something to say. I was thinking about it just last night. Maybe even early this morning. Now I can’t remember.
This is why ideas should be written down. There will be a lot of them that come to nothing. They’ll seem brilliant, important, or at least mildly interesting at first and you will be sure that you can make something of them. Then you come back a week or a month later–sometimes only an hour–and it sounds pointless, boring, ridiculous. On occasion, it makes no sense whatsoever. And that’s fine. All of our ideas can’t be good. That’s just unrealistic. But by not writing ideas down, I am sure I’ve forgotten more good ideas than I remember.
To be fair, habits take a long time to develop, and I used to have a much better memory. I never had trouble remembering the important things. But I guess that was when I had a lot less to remember. As an adult, with adult responsibilities, and the knowledge of how much you’ve already forgotten in your life, you know that you’d damn well better write down anything that’s important.
And yet you still forget.
I should take a walk. I should go outside. It’s so sunny, the sky is so blue, and I really need a few minor grocery items. But now that it’s actually turned into winter and there’s snow on the ground, I am reluctant to go out…
…because of shoes.
I don’t have any good shoes to wear in the snow. I have some that are, at most, acceptable for a short walk, assuming I can get back inside and take them off when they inevitably become soaked with gross, salty snow (I live in the city so the snow gets gross very quickly). In fact, in every sense, preparing my legs to go out in winter weather is always the worst part, especially if I want to wear a dress. Socks won’t do because I’ll still be cold, but tights are not warm enough. And I’ve worn multiple layers of socks before and I have to say, I don’t enjoy it.
Also, as I’m still waiting on some income that has been delayed, it’s better to stay in. If I do go to the store to buy my bread and half and half, I’ll be tempted to get something else as well, and it won’t be something I really need, but it would be tasty and hard to turn down. So to avoid the inevitable extra expense of something I shouldn’t buy, I should stay at home.
But if I don’t buy bread, what am I going to do with all this jam?
- Rest in peace, David Bowie and Alan Rickman.
- I hadn’t expected that I would work at a toy store. I think it will be a nice place to work. At the very least it will be an interesting experiment in leaving the house more often.
- I think that a large amount of the stress most people experience is from having to worry about money. This is why everyone wanted to win the powerball. Also, I was reading something about a previous lottery winner and I thought, “Who needs $590 million at 84? It’s not like you have the time to use it. That’s just too much for one person. Even if they’re not that old.” This sounds ageist, I’m sure, but actually it’s more a reaction to the thought of any one person having that much money. You don’t need it, and there are so many people who could do with just a fraction of that. The lottery is wack, yo. (I never say wack or yo, so you know it’s true.)
- Everything has been taking me so long these days… except for moments when I’m super productive!
This morning I started hearing a pounding. I couldn’t tell where it actually came from and it just kept going. At one point I thought someone was knocking on the back door very loudly. Then I thought someone was hammering something downstairs. Finally, when I got up and went to take a shower, I saw feet outside the window and realized that someone is working on the roof.
While this makes much more sense, I wish I had known people were going to be pounding on the roof today. It’s very distracting and I need to work.
(On a side note, I used to get ready in the morning in about 15 minutes. It takes me forever now. I miss being able to just roll out the door. Of course, I didn’t often have nice outfits on, never really wore makeup. I’d prefer to take a little more time to look put together, but I’d prefer even more to be able to look put together in just a few minutes.)
Then, after my shower, I found out that David Bowie passed away. Sometimes celebrity death rumors are false, so I didn’t believe it right away, but google confirmed it.
The world has lost an amazing talent. He has been one of my very favorite musicians for years now (although not as many as I’d like to claim, since for much of my earlier life I only knew him as the Goblin King), and although he was getting older, I’m sure he could have given us more wonderful music in his remaining years. I was unaware that he had been struggling with cancer, which makes me feel more in awe of his recent release of Blackstar. Only a true artist would be able to create a work to share with the world in such a situation.
David Bowie was truly unique, creative, and prolific (I am not sure if there’s a set number of albums he would have to reach to be prolific, but a career spanning numerous decades and more albums than most artists release, I think he deserves the term). Inspiring, impossible to ignore, and with a lot to say. The world will miss this Starman.
I said I’d do it, so I’m doing it… promising to do a certain type of post each week can put you in an awkward position if you don’t have a good topic that week. Of course, no one would really even notice, I’m sure, if I didn’t do it. But I’m trying to be better about following through with things, having spent the last year essentially procrastinating on every possible thing. So here are five things, I guess. My five “resolutions” for the year. They aren’t things that can be achievements that are completed by the end of the year, but things that are meant to propel my life in a better direction.
- Save, pay off debt, make more money.
- Write more often.
- Work out at least ten minutes every single day. Actually, make it fifteen.
- Get my physical space organized and keep it that way.
- Actively pursue work that will make me happy.
I know, these all probably seem like obvious and common New Year’s Resolutions and you’d expect me to forget about them by the end of the month. If I’m lucky I might last until March.
Well, this is just not the case. It has become painfully clear (like, it was really painful…) that I need to make quite a few changes in my life. That’s not going to change in a few months so my goals will remain the same.
Every single thing I tried to do in 2015 failed. It just fell waysideways. I didn’t write, I didn’t blog, I mostly stopped cooking, I barely read anything.
I DID watch lots and lots of Netflix, but that does not count as an accomplishment.
I did think a lot about what I wanted to be doing, and how far away I am from anything I really want. I did have many small mental breakdowns and almost-anxiety attacks (like just the beginning of it, where it has the potential to turn into an anxiety attack, but it doesn’t get that far).
Going into the new year I have a lot of goals and aims. In short, I just can’t keep sitting around and wasting time. I have wasted so much time, I could have lived a whole extra life by now. Starting to blog again is a small step toward improving my life, and at least it will be an outlet for some of my ideas. (Side note: a part of this goal is to stop making any posts talking about how I’m going to start blogging more. They’re pretty much pointless and the last few times I’ve written them, that claim has proven false.)
Beginning next week, I am bringing back Monday Madness and Five Things Friday posts! I think, actually, I did the latter on my OTHER blog in the past, but this time I’m going to do both here. I don’t think I’ll have any food posts for a while, and I may actually leave that alone for a while. No one wants to read your food posts if you can’t take good pictures, right? But look out for some random ramblings. Hopefully, they’ll entertain a few people.
If you have a moment and feel like it, go ahead and read the post on my writing blog by the same name.