Category Archives: life
It’s Wednesday, August 9. (Hey, it’s my half-birthday! Hap irthd to me!) I’ve been awake for a bit less than an hour. I’m sitting here poking at my computer, drinking a canned cold brew coffee I got on sale yesterday. The flavor “Mexican vanilla” sounds exotic, but it just tastes like most sweetened coffees. I’m not complaining.
Blogging is something that fell to the wayside for me some time ago, and although I’ve thought about picking it up again many times, I couldn’t find the motivation. At some point perhaps I’ll get into why, but it doesn’t seem like a topic that would be of much interest… Really, writing of any kind has not just taken a backseat, it’s been stowed in a corner of the trunk for much too long. I had a bunch of other things in the backseat that took up too much space, so I put writing away to make room for it, and then… out of sight out of mind, I guess. Life kept moving on and I forgot writing in that spot in the trunk. I’m not convinced I’m actually good at it anymore, as I’m so very out of practice.
Despite all that, I’ve decided to do it anyway. I don’t know what I’m going to write about here. Maybe I’ll just write semi-regular journal-style posts and let you read the random rumblings of my brain. Maybe I’ll do cooking posts, but since I do not cook that often these days, it’s not too likely. I might have to revamp this entire blog so that it is better suited to the strange and disjointed web that my mind is at this point.
In a few minutes I’m going to take a big bag of random crap to Goodwill, then see if I can pick up a $2 loaf of bread from When Pigs Fly. I’ll get home before noon, and then the real “fun” begins… I have a lot that I need to get done, and rather nebulous social plans. I have no idea which things I have to/can get done today, or how much time I have to do them.
Thus my triumphant* return to blogging was established. Hello.
It’s election day and I’ve thought a lot about what to write here. I’ve rewritten it a dozen times. If you read here you already know I’m super liberal so you can probably guess who I voted for. If you’re like me … Continue reading →
I read this last night, before the results were official. I still do not know how we got here. I cannot understand how anyone would see Trump as having the potential to be a capable leader of this country.
But I truly hope he proves me wrong, and that things end up getting better. For EVERYONE.
It’s a thin hope and I don’t think it’s likely. I don’t believe that’s how things will go. However, there will always be people out there fighting for what’s right, fighting for those that need more voices than their own to speak out. The world I actually want to live in is farther off than I would like but I still think it can get here. …Eventually.
Today was not a good day. I feel like it SHOULD have been a good day because the whole point was to relax and not get stressed out about anything. For ONE DAMN DAY. But I’m not sure how it COULD have been a good day, simply because there are circumstances in my life that just make things really difficult in general.
What I thought I would do today:
Take a long walk
Pick up my room a little
Call some people
What I actually did:
Glance at my work email (bad idea)
Notice joint pain
Check bank accounts (VERY bad idea)
Think about how life could be better
Try not to cry (failed)
Now there’s just enough time that I could probably manage to get some reading done, or do very light yoga… but you know how you get to a certain point in a bad day and you can’t imagine trying? It’ll be an achievement if I do the least bit of prep for lunch tomorrow, which I HAVE to bring to work with me because I’m not going to be able to afford to buy lunch out.
As I’m house sitting, I’ve been waking up much earlier than I usually would because the dog comes and whines for me to get up a little before 7 most days. I generally don’t have to wake up that early, so I almost never do. But once she’s woken me up, I find it much harder to go back to sleep (especially since I tend to have to pee also).
I have also noticed that waking up that early means that I start working much, much sooner. I often need a few hours to get to a point where I can function, so when I wake up late, my work day starts late. Late enough that I have to stay up very late working to make up for it. And my sleep schedule suffers even more.
This is the kind of thing one should hesitate to put on the internet. Admitting that you manage your time badly? A potential employer might read that! So I also feel the need to add: I can get things done quickly when I really have to. I can laser-focus and just Get. Things. Done. However, most of the things I have to do (i.e. adult tasks), I find frustrating or honestly unnecessary, except for the unfortunate desire to function in society. So it’s hard to feel motivated most of the time.
It’s something I need to work on more, I know. It’s a little better these days, but I will wait before I claim to actually be generally organized and efficient.
And I’ll end with this quote that amused me:
“We’re having banana pancakes for breakfast today.”
“I like pancakes.”
…”We’re all gonna die.”
Half the month of August just cannot be over. I mean, it’s not fair! I have SO much to get done! (I know, that’s my fault. If I were better at being an adult and actually getting things done, I would not end up with such immense to-do lists. I continually have too much faith in my ability to actually do the thing the second time it comes up–as opposed to the tenth time. Once in a while I make a conscious decision to work on this habit, but then I put it off until the next day… what I’m saying is, I am the champion of procrastination.)
Today turned out to be terribly inconvenient. I started work early, but unfortunately had more left to do than I thought. So, after a few hours when there was an issue with the power and internet, I had to trek out somewhere to finish up the work and send it to the appropriate recipient. I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop for over two hours now. That’s a long time for me these days… in the end it worked out ok, but it would have been so much easier if everything just worked in the place where I started. The interruption just makes things more difficult.
I wish I had news to share. The only thing I can think of is that yesterday, when I posted all about what I ate that day, I had many more likes on the post than the previous few days, where I had NO post likes on my random musings. Sometimes, when I want to write a post but have no good topic ideas, I write about some random thought I have. And no one, it seems, gives a shit about those…
Of course, to me a blog is for just that. It’s for posting whatever random crap you want. If you start posting only on certain topics or spending hours crafting a post, it’s not a blog anymore. It’s an internet publication. It’s a fancy, official thing that then needs to be monitored and edited frequently.
Call me crazy, but I have always liked blogging the random thoughts in my head. And I’m probably going to keep doing it. But if I never get any likes on those posts, I don’t want to post them. Blogging has become a strange thing–even if you aren’t doing it professionally, you find yourself feeling somewhat competitive about them. “I write better than what they post on THAT blog, why do they get to make money from it?” And other thoughts like that.
This has gotten very rambly and I’m not sure where it’s going, but I need to pack up and get back home now.
I successfully completed one week straight of blaugust posts. That bodes well because most of them were done even though I didn’t feel like I had anything I particularly WANTED to blog about. Of course, I’m not saying one should force oneself to blog, but since I haven’t been writing at all for so long, it will take a little time and effort to get back into the habit.
The trouble I have is when I don’t have a topic in mind, I can’t really pull from my everyday life because my life in general is either really boring, or involves things I don’t want to write about for a number of reasons. (Or something that is better suited to a planned post as opposed to one that I write in the moment.) Yesterday, trying to figure out what to say, I went and looked at a bunch of writing prompts until an idea sparked. It sounds lame, probably, but sometimes it takes a little something extra to connect to your creative bone. Did you know creativity comes from a specific bone?
No it doesn’t. I’m lying.
The point is, there seems to be a good chance that the rest of my blaugust posts will mostly be quite boring. Half of them may end up being about blogging and the process of trying to return to regular writing (even extremely mediocre writing), which basically turns this into a meta-blog and who would even care to read that?
There’s a reason I actually began to write about food in the first place. It’s twofold: 1. I love food, 2. everybody eats. Food (along with other basic human needs) is probably the only thing that connects everyone on the planet. And I find that interesting.
Now is the time when people start saying “Oh, summer’s almost over!” and of course, giving the impression (or stating outright) that they’re really bummed about it. If you go by school schedules then it’s true that summer break is over, but summer actually ends on/around September 20, so there is about a month and a half left of summer. Which is, technically, about half of summer remaining!
As a person whose schedule doesn’t actually change depending on the seasons, I think of their divisions in relation to the solstices and equinoxes. (Equinoces? If you know the actual correct plural, feel free to tell me in a comment!) None of that grade-school schedule crap remained ingrained.
And as a person whose schedule doesn’t change depending on the seasons, I don’t get especially excited about summer. I don’t have a pool to dip into whenever I feel like it and I don’t have air conditioning at home (and if I did I’d be cold all the time), and I don’t have the ability to take a nice big section of vacation days for a fun trip (I could take the days off, but since they’d be unpaid I wouldn’t have any money to go anywhere). Summer mostly means being too warm all the time, sweating a lot, and trying to make sure I put sunscreen at least over my tattoos, if not my exposed skin in general, all the time.
As it is now the middle of summer, I can say definitively that this summer is nothing too special. I finally got to wear a bathing suit that I bought last year (a pretty retro-style suit at about half price, thank you very much), and I’ve had some nice cold coffee and tea drinks. Other than that, it’s just one too-hot day after another that I’m trying to survive. I would like to say I’m excited for fall, but I really feel like the foliage has let me down for the past half-decade or so, before plunging into winter that’s either blizzards on top of blizzards or a continuous stream of gross, icy slush.
Maybe I’m just OVER New England. The romantic aspects of the seasons get completely overshadowed by the annoying ones and I’m left much less than happy. While I can look forward to wearing my leather jacket and favorite scarf again, I’m dreading the all-too-quick passage of the fall respite from hot weather into the salt-encrusted frustrations of winter.
(I will admit, though, that I have the MOST fabulous winter coat and it will be nice to take it out again. And I do generally enjoy Christmas.)
I’m only writing this right now to avoid the utter failure of missing the first day of a self-imposed blogging challenge.
The last writing challenge I did was the 365k365day challenge (which I detailed to some degree on my writing blog). I think it was in 2014. I was very excited about it to begin with, but lost steam all too quickly and beyond April of that year, barely wrote 1,000 words. My failure in that challenge coincided with my overall writing hiatus. Perhaps it even caused it. I don’t know–I don’t think I’ll ever know.
I was going to do editing work when I got home from the retail work, but after my short dinner break and a bit of poking things on the internet, I took a little time to watch an episode or two on Netflix. Now it’s 10:30 and I still intend to do the work… Read the rest of this entry
Am I ready for Blaugust?
What the hell is Blaugust?
Blaugust is a word I made up, that someone else probably made up before I did (I’m not doing research on this today), that indicates an intention to blog every day in the month of August! The idea is pulled mainly from youtube vlog challenges I’ve seen (Vlogtober and Vlogmas). And the idea is to get myself back into old writing habits that just dropped away.
If you follow me you may have already realized that I haven’t blogged much in a long time. I don’t want this post to get too long, so I’m not going to to into the reasons at the moment. Maybe that will be the topic of one of next month’s posts… Read the rest of this entry