I’m only writing this right now to avoid the utter failure of missing the first day of a self-imposed blogging challenge.
The last writing challenge I did was the 365k365day challenge (which I detailed to some degree on my writing blog). I think it was in 2014. I was very excited about it to begin with, but lost steam all too quickly and beyond April of that year, barely wrote 1,000 words. My failure in that challenge coincided with my overall writing hiatus. Perhaps it even caused it. I don’t know–I don’t think I’ll ever know.
I was going to do editing work when I got home from the retail work, but after my short dinner break and a bit of poking things on the internet, I took a little time to watch an episode or two on Netflix. Now it’s 10:30 and I still intend to do the work… Read the rest of this entry
I’m feeling extra contemplative right now. It might be all the very contemplative blog posts I read this morning, or the change of scenery this weekend from Boston to lovely, suburb-ly Vermont. Maybe it’s just that I spent significant time with a person this weekend (my mom) instead of a few hours here or there. And as I’ve always said, I love my alone time, but I need to connect with people or life will always feel pointless.
I get these moments, sometimes, when I have lots of poignant thoughts about life, but they all just sort of drift through my mind, like wisps of fog, dissipating to make room for others and the dulling regularities of life. They might come back again, later on, but I can’t summon them myself; I have to be reminded somehow.
The only thing that’s sticking right now is: I have to write. Just sit down and write. NOT when I have the time in between my schedule. Like ALL freaking day. That’s what I feel like I need right now.
This presents a problem I shouldn’t have to explain. I have a full-time job (yay?). I have an hour-long commute to get to that job. I LOVE sleep.
And all the fall premieres are starting. This means that I really can’t spend the majority of my time sitting down and writing. Maybe a few hours a day, if I spent ALL available time on it. Which would mean no chores or workouts or cooking.
I know what this sounds like to some people. I don’t care, though. My “soul” (or whatever you want to call it) is scratching to get out, and in my efforts to keep it in so that I can make money and function as an adult, I’m getting beat up. Like anyone, I can only hold out for so long.
If I had programming skills, I would spend my extra time creating websites and phone apps until one of my awesome ideas was bought for some tidy sum and I could live off that, and write all day. I mean, I have had some AWESOME ideas. I’m serious. (Probably none that would really make me a lot of money, but you never know…) But I have no programming knowledge, skills, or training. So first it would require me to learn how…
Any plan I come up with has too many steps before I can actually make any changes to my everyday situation. This is UNACCEPTABLE. I need a now-fix. Not a later-fix.
Mostly I just feel like I’m fucking crazy.
I get paid once a month, at the end/beginning of the month, depending on how you look at it. So I always have plenty of money in my account at the very end of a month and through the first week or two, and it looks great during that time! I can do things! The sky (read: stores and restaurants?) is the limit!
But I know it’s not going to last
Rent check comes out. Transfer to savings account (which is usually transferred back to checking so I can pay my bills) comes out. Tax payment comes out. Credit card and loan payments happen. And throughout all of this, food and other essentials (and, ok, often quite a few non-essentials) are purchased.
This is how incomes and living work. We all know this.
But, because I only get paid once a month, I suffer from end-of-month brokeness.
It gets down to only $100-200 in my account. Granted, that’s more than some people have. But, considering that I have no savings, it’s not enough to deal with any emergency expenses. So those, naturally, would have to go on my credit card. On which I already carry a balance right now.
And then I have to buy my train pass on the 1st of the month. Depending on timing, that might have to go on the credit card.
And I’m having a little party the first weekend in August. It won’t be that many people, but it still requires extra money for the food and drinks I plan to provide.
I desperately hope there isn’t a paycheck delay this month. (So far so good, but it’s not certain…)