I have plans to go to The Fireplace for dinner on Friday. I’m very excited. But actually, I’m kind of nervous about it as well.
No, I don’t have any worries about which fork to use–even if they are actually that fancy, I don’t really care if I use the wrong utensil. I have better priorities than THAT. And it’s not as if it will be an awkward social occasion either. Just dinner with my best friend, which is not the least bit stressful–in fact it is most exciting.
So, why am I nervous, you’re wondering at this point, I’m sure, since I tend to overexplain things before I’ve even gotten to the point?
I’m feeling a lot of pressure to order the right thing.
Now, if you’re not familiar with this restaurant (I’m not, really), it’s a pretty expensive place. I’ve never been there, but I pass it just about every day, sitting there on the corner with its “Boston’s Best Burger” sign in the window. It’s not the sort of place I can really afford to go to, and in fact the only reason I’m going there at all is because I was lucky enough to snatch up a livingsocial deal, just after I’d been musing that I’d really like to go to The Fireplace…
It stands to reason, therefore, that I probably won’t be going there again for a long time after. So I have to choose carefully, because I want the best possible experience from this place the one time I might ever go there. Having looked over the menu online, I’d like to try many of the dishes I read about, but I only have this one shot. I’d really like to try that “Best” burger, but logic says that it would be the one thing I could afford if I went back there without the coupon, so I should save it for next time. The lobster mac and cheese does sound… mmmm…
Oh, sorry. I got a bit lost in thought there.
Anyway, can you see why I’m suffering so much? Yeah, this is a first world problem for sure, but our “problems” are relative to our lives as a whole. Technically, all my problems are first world problems. Student loan debt is a first world problem. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.
Not to compare this to my financial issues… this is a problem that’s almost fun to have.
I am extremely susceptible to the dreaded FOMO–fear of missing out. It’s why I feel kind of sad when I see comments or pictures on Facebook about things my friends did without inviting me. It explains some of my impulse purchases. I’ve been trying not to let it affect me too much. It’s poking around now in this case, telling me that choosing one of those delicious-sounding entrees means giving up all the others.
In the end, I will get over it. I will order whatever I feel like I want most at the time and not overthink it, because I’m getting too old to waste time on stuff like that. Besides, the T stops running at some point.
So, the news today might be evidence of actual madness, because, oh my god. I just created a new Youtube account with the intent of starting a vlog. I have been contemplating vlogging for a while, going back and forth between “that looks like fun/ it can’t be that hard, tons of people do it” to “who the hell wants to watch me talking at a camera? I don’t have a particularly interesting personality.” I know plenty of people will say they disagree with that last bit, yet I’m still on my own most of the time, so I don’t really know what to think about that. I don’t have a “thing” that would make my channel particularly interesting, I just have me.
I don’t want to vlog if no one’s going to watch the videos, because that’s going to be a lot of effort put into filming and editing that will feel wasted if no one sees them. The best thing to do, I guess, will be to approach it like I do with blogging–just make the videos I want to make, and hope that other people will like them, because if you aren’t doing it for yourself, then no one else is going to be interested.
The idea is a no-recipe vlog–that is, it will combine all of the content from this blog and Between Worlds. I will talk about writing, food, books, shopping (although I’ll try to refrain from hauls for the most part), clothing, and general life experiences. And whatever I want because that’s how we do down in the land of no recipes…
The reason it really seems like madness is twofold, both of those folds related to putting myself out there in that way. For one, I don’t like broadcasting my private life on the internet, which is why there are so many things I don’t post on facebook or on my blogs. So I’ll have to be careful about what gets revealed on the vlog. The second thing is all about my many insecurities and the potential to be rejected by literally EVERYONE in the world (who has access to Youtube). I would say more about that, but… it seems pretty self-explanatory.
I also have no idea how the hell I’ll ever be able to film a cooking video. I don’t have anyone I could coerce into helping me film, and my kitchen isn’t really set up so that I would be able to position my camera… anywhere, and actually catch the relevant action. And I can’t just cook with one hand. So until I can get some actual filming equipment (which might be never), that probably won’t happen.
I’m going to try to do video #1 in the next week or so, and it will probably be a general introducing myself video. And I guess we’ll see?
(…Oh, god. Why am I doing this?)