Today was not a good day. I feel like it SHOULD have been a good day because the whole point was to relax and not get stressed out about anything. For ONE DAMN DAY. But I’m not sure how it COULD have been a good day, simply because there are circumstances in my life that just make things really difficult in general.
What I thought I would do today:
Take a long walk
Pick up my room a little
Call some people
What I actually did:
Glance at my work email (bad idea)
Notice joint pain
Check bank accounts (VERY bad idea)
Think about how life could be better
Try not to cry (failed)
Now there’s just enough time that I could probably manage to get some reading done, or do very light yoga… but you know how you get to a certain point in a bad day and you can’t imagine trying? It’ll be an achievement if I do the least bit of prep for lunch tomorrow, which I HAVE to bring to work with me because I’m not going to be able to afford to buy lunch out.
There is danger in taking a break, especially if you’re feeling overtired.
If you are like me, you’ll prefer, as opposed to going straight from one job into the next, to take a little time to relax. Maybe you read some leisure articles on the internet. Maybe you scroll through facebook a few times. Or watch an episode of a thing.
Maybe then you feel really sleepy, so you lay down to take a nap for a little while. At that point it’s already been nearly two hours, and the nap adds another hour onto that.
Then it’s starting to get kind of late, and you haven’t decided what to eat for dinner. You don’t really have time to make anything because you took such a long break that you need to spend pretty much every remaining moment of the day working.
So, while you intended to take a short break and be back to working within an hour, instead you took over three hours and now, you’re stressed out over how much you can actually get done. How late will you have to stay up to get the work done that you need to? Or, how much will you be able to do before you get too tired to concentrate?
This is me at the moment. Having gotten stuck in a long cycle of procrastination and then bursts of nonstop work to make up for it, and trying finally to resist this cycle by NOT procrastinating again, I’ve been in a sort of nonstop work phase. I took a break from work for half the weekend, but the break was full of obnoxious train travel and social plans, and so I still find myself very, very tired.
The plan was (and still is) to keep doing the work I need to do, working straight through until I finish (which will likely be sometime between Wednesday midday and Thursday morning), and then finally take a real break from editing type work until next week. In the meantime, I also have the regular shifts at my retail job, and I’ll be there all day on Sunday.
Working harder in the short term is all in the service of getting my adult life on track (I would have said “back” on track but, really, was it ever?)–dealing with debt, finally having a savings account again, and actually getting ahead of my bills for the first time in a loooong time. And this plan always seems like something that should be simple enough to do. Just keep working. Not complicated, right?
Well. Sometimes, it turns out to be extremely draining. So you try to take a short break, but you end up losing precious time to the vast vacuum of the Internet. You look back and know that you didn’t do anything with that time that you’ll ever even remember. And maybe you regret it. And then you lose more time thinking about all the time you lost…
At that point, you just get back to what you were doing and you get as focused as you can. Which is my plan for right now.