I keep getting emails sent from myself that are kind of like this:
Only today did I think to check that they were in my “sent” folder and thus suggested that I was actually hacked, as opposed to someone cloning my email address or whatever it is people do.
So I guess I was hacked, which could turn out to be not good.
I would really like to feel like I am real. It’s a struggle for me that has surfaced many times since I left college. Living in the “real world” sometimes makes me feel like I’m disappearing… and being someone who felt invisible during most of grade school, despite taking up a fair amount of physical space, that seems like an accomplishment–of course, not a good one.
So, I guess it’s time to be changing my password…
August is disappearing fast, and I do not know how I feel about this. There’s good and bad aspects I guess.
I have a tendency to start thinking too far ahead sometimes, and right now what’s on my mind but the fact that there is only one week left of Blaugust. Now, I don’t have a strong emotional attachment or anything, but I can’t help wondering what is going to happen when it’s over.
Will I keep blogging regularly? Will I write something every day? Will I make “Blogtember”? (Don’t worry, if I blog ever day in September I’ll do it without a silly name.)
Will I fall off the wagon, as it were, and stop writing again? Will I feel too discouraged knowing that most of the posts I’ve done this month are actually pretty bad?
Will I wait until I have something to say AND a better notion of how to say it?
What am I going to do? Should I just remove myself from blogging life entirely, stop doing it because it’s clear that I’ll NEVER make money this way? (Not that I think it’s only worth it if I end up making money, I just don’t understand why I haven’t qualified for adsense yet. So I have a smaller following than most blogs that make money–that just means it will take longer to reach a payout. Doesn’t that make it BETTER for them? Because they’re paying me less? …Yeah so clearly I don’t get how that works.)
I’m also wondering how the remaining week will go. I thought that by now I would have cleared out some of my overcrowded thoughts and reached at least one gem that other people could relate to, but I’ve been so stressed that more of the pointless thoughts, the ones that if I were actually editing I would just cut out, keep piling on. My brain is STILL so overwhelmed that it goes blank in the middle of writing. I have momentum, but I stop to think for a second, and whatever path the post might have taken took a sharp turn and then just starts looping on itself.
That is what has happened just now, so I guess I’ll end things here without a proper conclusion. Tell me what you think I’m going to do at the end of this month-long experiment.
Half the month of August just cannot be over. I mean, it’s not fair! I have SO much to get done! (I know, that’s my fault. If I were better at being an adult and actually getting things done, I would not end up with such immense to-do lists. I continually have too much faith in my ability to actually do the thing the second time it comes up–as opposed to the tenth time. Once in a while I make a conscious decision to work on this habit, but then I put it off until the next day… what I’m saying is, I am the champion of procrastination.)
Today turned out to be terribly inconvenient. I started work early, but unfortunately had more left to do than I thought. So, after a few hours when there was an issue with the power and internet, I had to trek out somewhere to finish up the work and send it to the appropriate recipient. I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop for over two hours now. That’s a long time for me these days… in the end it worked out ok, but it would have been so much easier if everything just worked in the place where I started. The interruption just makes things more difficult.
I wish I had news to share. The only thing I can think of is that yesterday, when I posted all about what I ate that day, I had many more likes on the post than the previous few days, where I had NO post likes on my random musings. Sometimes, when I want to write a post but have no good topic ideas, I write about some random thought I have. And no one, it seems, gives a shit about those…
Of course, to me a blog is for just that. It’s for posting whatever random crap you want. If you start posting only on certain topics or spending hours crafting a post, it’s not a blog anymore. It’s an internet publication. It’s a fancy, official thing that then needs to be monitored and edited frequently.
Call me crazy, but I have always liked blogging the random thoughts in my head. And I’m probably going to keep doing it. But if I never get any likes on those posts, I don’t want to post them. Blogging has become a strange thing–even if you aren’t doing it professionally, you find yourself feeling somewhat competitive about them. “I write better than what they post on THAT blog, why do they get to make money from it?” And other thoughts like that.
This has gotten very rambly and I’m not sure where it’s going, but I need to pack up and get back home now.
Am I ready for Blaugust?
What the hell is Blaugust?
Blaugust is a word I made up, that someone else probably made up before I did (I’m not doing research on this today), that indicates an intention to blog every day in the month of August! The idea is pulled mainly from youtube vlog challenges I’ve seen (Vlogtober and Vlogmas). And the idea is to get myself back into old writing habits that just dropped away.
If you follow me you may have already realized that I haven’t blogged much in a long time. I don’t want this post to get too long, so I’m not going to to into the reasons at the moment. Maybe that will be the topic of one of next month’s posts… Read the rest of this entry
Every single thing I tried to do in 2015 failed. It just fell waysideways. I didn’t write, I didn’t blog, I mostly stopped cooking, I barely read anything.
I DID watch lots and lots of Netflix, but that does not count as an accomplishment.
I did think a lot about what I wanted to be doing, and how far away I am from anything I really want. I did have many small mental breakdowns and almost-anxiety attacks (like just the beginning of it, where it has the potential to turn into an anxiety attack, but it doesn’t get that far).
Going into the new year I have a lot of goals and aims. In short, I just can’t keep sitting around and wasting time. I have wasted so much time, I could have lived a whole extra life by now. Starting to blog again is a small step toward improving my life, and at least it will be an outlet for some of my ideas. (Side note: a part of this goal is to stop making any posts talking about how I’m going to start blogging more. They’re pretty much pointless and the last few times I’ve written them, that claim has proven false.)
Beginning next week, I am bringing back Monday Madness and Five Things Friday posts! I think, actually, I did the latter on my OTHER blog in the past, but this time I’m going to do both here. I don’t think I’ll have any food posts for a while, and I may actually leave that alone for a while. No one wants to read your food posts if you can’t take good pictures, right? But look out for some random ramblings. Hopefully, they’ll entertain a few people.
If you have a moment and feel like it, go ahead and read the post on my writing blog by the same name.
I too often write blog posts about my lack of blog posts.
Life has been busy, crazy, and a blur lately. Between work, holidays, a death in the family, and general life stuff, I’ve barely thought about blogging lately. I think that for just about everyone, there are bound to be times when you can’t keep up with regular blogging. The indication of whether you’re “meant to” blog (whatever that means) is that you keep coming back to it, no matter how many times you slip behind.
I would certainly rather be a regular poster. Maybe I’ll bring back Monday Madness, or come up with a new weekly post like Thursday Thoughts, or Wacky Wednesday, or Sunday Silliness. I don’t know. However, we can’t always do the things we want. I think the fact that I persist even after long hiatuses (hiati? No, that just looks like I spelled Haiti wrong) is something to be proud of. It’s a small thing, sure, but the truth is, my chicken tikka masala post continues to account for most of the views on the site, so new posts don’t make that much of a difference.
Even thought I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, I used the turn of the year as a starting point to make real changes in my life. (Some of them haven’t quite taken yet, like being more active and eating healthier, but they will.) More writing, learning music, getting my finances figured out, cleaning out all the stuff I don’t want anymore, and yet other unmentioned goals. It’s the year of starting to turn my life into the life I actually want.
I won’t call anything a New Year’s resolution because:
1. I think most people give up on it completely if they don’t start it in the first two or three weeks of January.
2. My goals are not meant to be contained to a particular time, but to transform my habits for a longer period.
This is going to be very hard work and sometimes very stressful, so I can’t say for sure I’ll be blogging much more often, but I certainly would like to. I’ve had so many good ideas over the past few months, but not enough time or inclination to write them. In the near future, I will probably be posting on my writing blog devajashewaywriting.com more frequently than here, so check that out if you’ve missed me. Unless everything falls apart again, I should be able to do some real posts here too, instead of just more updates… I know, so many update posts. BORING.
Right now I’m very full of cheese fries and calzone, after going out to eat with a friend. I’m trying to digest, but it’s proving somewhat difficult right now.
Well then, two weeks later, I still have not done any of that blog-fixin’ I was talking about! The perfectionist in me is shying away from the task. She doesn’t want to put in all this work and then have the world respond with “So what?” So I guess I’ve been biding my time until I have a good chunk of time to deal with rearranging the blog. I can tell it’s going to take quite a lot of work to get things the way I want, and I’m so behind on other life things that I can’t give it the attention it deserves right now.
My chicken tikka masala post continues to get views constantly. I honestly don’t know how this has happened. I liked the post just fine, but it’s hardly a masterpiece. Is adding a can of coconut milk to a jar of tikka masala sauce really so interesting to people that it’s almost the only post that is ever viewed? It’s kind of disheartening to me otherwise… While I’m glad people have enjoyed this post, it sort of makes me think that any seeming success I’ll ever have in my life will be a fluke.
I have a jar of the same sauce and a plan to try the “recipe” with shrimp. Will that one get anywhere near the same amount of views? My guess is no.
My hope is that I’ll be able to have the new format of the blog figured out by the end of October. I want to say September, but I worry that it will take me much longer than that to get my other stuff in order. Or something resembling it. Until then I am sure I’ll just fret about the many imperfections in this and other aspects of my life.
First of all, I want to direct your attention to the new temporary home page of my blog, which is the “About” page. I have added a note to readers that I hope will explain the many changes that may occur on this blog in the next few months as I try to make it a real “thing.”
I know I haven’t done much here lately. I have just written a little bit about why that is. See the last few posts for more on this… and it’s not because i don’t like this blog anymore or because I don’t have an interest. Sometimes life just happens that way it does and there’s not much you can do but ride along until you can take the wheel again. Right?
Unplanned hiatus aside, as this blog gained momentum, I really started to feel like I wanted to turn No-Recipe Life into a sort of brand. I made a facebook page, a youtube account, and then a tumblr with the same name. I don’t use the facebook page much (because there are only a handful of followers, all people I know personally, and no one ever responds to posts), I haven’t made a new video for the youtube account in months (mostly because I don’t have the resources to make the kinds of videos I would really like to have on there). I still use the tumblr fairly frequently. I like tumblr a lot. There’s a link off to the side of the page here if you want to check it out.
It’s been sort of a slow process, figuring out the whole no-recipe life thing and how I want to use and share it. I tried to apply to much structure to it and I felt too limited to do much of anything. Lesson learned. Now, I think I have a better idea of what I want to do with this blog. First of all, I need a different theme that really helps me achieve this. There will probably be a lot of experimenting and changing things around for a little while as I get this all figured out. I wish I could put up an “under construction” page in the meantime, but the note on my About page is the best I can do in that regard.
As I work on this, it’s possible that a lot of my posts will be along the lines of this one. A little rambly, a bit personal, not actually about food or lifestyle topics. Those will come around again, I promise. For now, this is where we are. We’re on a path and at the end is a meadow full of flowers, deer, and bunnies. Probably butterflies too. And bumble bees. (…Too much?)
And to finish up, what do people think about me starting up Monday Madness posts again? I’ve been thinking about it, and it was nice to have a regular time to make a post. Let me know how you feel about that. Thanks.
It seems I have made a very obvious mistake. …I started to think of the No-Recipe Life as having a recipe.
I haven’t written much because I haven’t felt inspired in the food area. And obviously this is a food blog, right? WROOOOONG. Not entirely wrong, as that was the original intent, but as time went on I added other types of topics to it, and intended to expand it even more before I went on an unintentional vacation.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I decided to use the No-Recipe approach to life in general, not just food. Sure, some guidelines are often useful, but who wants to stick to a certain set of rules all the time? Boring people, that’s who. (No offense if that’s you…)
Who knows why I forgot. Maybe I just got confused since most of my views lately have come from a single food post. Maybe I worry that no one cares what I have to say about other subjects. Maybe I shouldn’t care if they care, and write what I want.
Perhaps I’ll pick it up again immediately and be posting all the time! Perhaps it will take a while to get back into blogging with regularity. Perhaps I will start doing chains of sentences that begin with the same word often enough that people will start to seriously question my writing ability… let’s hope not.
It’s hard to give yourself a proper wrist-slap for going about something the wrong way. Probably because your heart’s just not in it (the wrist-slapping). I suppose it would make more sense just to learn and move on. Anyway, I do hope to be posting more soon, and as I’ve said I would do many times before, I might totally revamp my blog. Because it’s not vampy enough.